Las Night/First Post

I lay on the carpet in my room. I am tired from doing absolutely nothing all day. It's Sunday and today was my day after binge drinking. Slept until 2:00 PM and felt horrible for that, not to mention for what I thought was an embarrassing previous night and keep in mind that compared to past drunken nights this was pretty mild, yet pretty eventful. I ACTUALLY met someone who was not an asshole at the club! ta ta -TA! He was pretty sweet actually. Seem very caring(although he probably cared about getting me into bed...or car). It's extremely hard for me to meet new people, although I'm around alot of people all the time, I know all my customers, I go through the motions of meeting friends of friends and blah blah...but none of them seem to stick. I've found that the reason(s) is because I am pretty antisocial. But I am not. How does this come about you ask? Well, let me try to explain.

My mother is a woman completely out of her head. She is afraid all the time, but of these fears are usually the wrong things to be afraid of; little things. She is such an outgoing individual; unafraid of speaking to anyone or to ask any question. On the other hand my father, lets just say, is pretty damn mousy. Roles are reversed here I know. So there you go. I get some from one and some from the other, which unfortunately leaves me somewhere in the middle. I can talk to someone and pretend as if I am deeply invested in the words coming out of their mouths but most of the time I just really don't care. It takes the right person to bring, spark that certain something in me. That has it's own complications as well though, but that's another subject.

(I think I like this blogging thing) Anyway, so that brings me to me meeting this guy at the club. I am not the type who just hooks up with random men at a bar. And less to make a deep connection with someone this way(But I have). So again I contradict myself and let this guy buy me a drink and talk to me and dance with me and get just a little fresh with me. But he seemed nice. And now we've been texting and he understand my dirty little secret: my unhealthy obsession with Disney movies. Point is that this: I like dating again. I feel as if dating is a process which really helps me value myself. I've met a few different guys in the past months and some of them have been nice, some completely horrible. But I think I finally understand and am less hurt by other people's opinions and can see that I am not perfect, but neither are they; we are all scared and insecure of who we are and try to hide that as much as we can. Nothing wrong with that, but it's OK to let the guard down, just a bit. Anyway long first post, maybe I'll get better at this and then I won't be all over the place. Yvan XXX